wish i was here

credit: secretfragileskies.com

i’ve been quiet because life has been….

well. i thought my life had been insane before, but it really didn’t have anything on this period of my life. in the past month, it feels like i haven’t stopped, probably because i haven’t. i spent a few weeks hustling to re-home the puppies. i spent a lot of time going back and forth between toronto and montreal, both  to visit the magician and look for a place to live. (and wow, did i ever score on that front).
there was a memorial to plan, and commute to. a burial to attend. oh, and my job, the hours of which have been close to 40 a week.

i move out of the beehive today: the plan is to put most of my stuff into storage and then return to montreal for about a month.

the place is still psychotic-looking, because on the days off i’ve had this month, i’ve been out of town on various (afore-mentioned) hunts. i’ve been working the rest of those days, so my sleep has been proportionately dwindling as i try to a) cope with the exhaustion and b) pack.
i’d take pictures of what i still have to do before my buddy comes with the u-haul, (when? i don’t know. i talked to him yesterday at noon and he was drinking pitchers at that point, kept calling him in the evening but his phone was off and his mailbox was full. however. can’t think about that) but honestly? i don’t really want photographic evidence.

speaking of, i should get to it…but the aching to write, well, ANYTHING, has been making my fingers tingle, and here at least i can commemorate this insanely ALIVE time in my life.
i’ve been too long in chaos. too long in mama-to-9-accidental-puppies mode. too long in transition. i haven’t had time to sit down and make the routine i wanted to after i graduated. that will come.

in other news:
the magician and i have become official. well, this happened a month ago, give or take. i tried to hold off because long-distance relationships usually cosmically suck for me, but it became pointless to be anything else. i am simply more in love, more myself, more fulfilled with him than i have ever been in my entire life. we look back over 6 years of friendship and see the markers of how we started and how long our connection has been building, and it is….a beautiful, unique, strong story. i’m not sure if i’ll tell it here, (it’ll have to be another day, anyway, due to time constraints), but i want to, just the same.

3 weeks left. here. i’m so excited to turn over a new leaf. to shed my skin. to have the GIGANTIC party it appears i am having (a sort of, “this is your life, montreal version” party) on a friday and take off the saturday, side by side with him. driving into the sunset. towards my closest heart-friends, my sister, a writing community i can feel connection with already.
life was a bit too hard here, for me. i stuck it out, and it was good for me, but life really doesn’t have to be that hard. nor should it be. and the universe is helping me, nudging me, lullabying me towards toronto. showing me through magic that it’s where i’m supposed to be.

it’s not a value judgement. montreal and i…we love each other, but our energies just didn’t match up.

credit: timharner.com

credit: timharner.com

oh, toronto, toronto. i miss you and i don’t even know you yet.


~ by bee on September 28, 2009.

3 Responses to “wish i was here”

  1. Here’s to Toronto, lovely.

    Wishing you blessings and joy!


  2. good change is great!!
    take care

  3. Bee – it’s SO good to read what you’ve been uo to! You MUST email me and tell me about your apt. in Toronto, (they’re so expensive!!!!!), what did you find? Also, a Toronto writing community sounds just too good go be true….and something I should be a part of!! lol

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